Funny Friday!

Operation Save My Ass

The underground parking garage at the Gallery lPlace was deserted at 1am. The lights were low. "This is kind of scary," thought Vice-President Joe Biden. He stood where the note he received a few hours earlier said to be. He looked around nervously but saw nothing, but heard the steps, one after the other, coming closer and closer. He turned and there stood a man about an inch taller wearing a trench coat with two. Two other men stood in the background. Joe recognized them. Bill Johnson and Marcus Miller were part of the President's security team.

"He Mr. Pres....." Joe started to say but was quickly cut off. "I am not the President...." the man said. "But you sure look like him." Growling under his breath, "Dammit, Joe. I'm not the President. You can call me 'squeaky throat'." Biden was giddy with excitement. Secret names were fun. "What's my code name?" he asked. "How about....'the gnat'?" Joe was disappointed, "That's not very flashy." "Maybe not Joe but it's what I want you to be...like a gnat on the wall."

Squeaky throat went into detail regarding the mission. Joe 'the gnat' was to infiltrate and spy on the Tea Partiers. "The IRS screwed it all up. I told them clearly...I mean they have a set of ethical standards against discrimination that they did not follow. I got to know what's going on. These scandals are getting out of hand and I know I can count on you." "Yes, sir," replied Joe with a snappy salute.

The Gnat put his bird dog skills to work and googled Tea Party. He got more hits than an unveiled Christian woman in Tehran. Finally he found a list of upcoming rallies. There was one in Pennsylvania. Combing through his closet he finally found some cammies he had worn for a duck hunting photo op with the President. With some boots, a John Deere hat, and 'ole Betsy' (his double barreled shotgun) in one hand he admired himself in the mirror. "I look just like a Tea Party redneck."

That Saturday morning The Gnat pulled up to the rally. Getting out he felt out of place. There were a bunch of families looking like they were at an afternoon picnic. While a few men dressed like they were survivalists, when he spoke with them most were stock brokers, lawyers, business owners, and even teachers. Old Glory was waving everywhere. People were pleasant to him (even though they looked concerned about his shotgun). Caught up in the festivities of the event Joe bobbed for some apples, won the three-legged race with a sweet little girl named Jessie, and thoroughly enjoyed the fireworks show that evening. When the speakers began his fine tuned political mind kicked in, ready to detect any anti-government rhetoric. Instead he heard a lot of talk about limited government, responsible spending, the dangers of taxation, and reasons to keep America safe. Not real radical stuff he thought.

Joe "The Gnat" was back in the underground parking lot the next evening. "So what kind of craziness was going on Gnat?" asked the President. "Well Barack....I mean Squeaky Throat. Nt a lot. They were just regular Americans. It was kind of like a 4th of July picnic."

"No way. You sure? But that doesn't match the briefing I got from Axelrod. You didn't miss anything?" asked Obama. "Well I did miss out on Fred's bar-b-que ribs. They went fast and smelled so good." "Dammit Joe, that's not what I meant. Ok, I have another mission for you." Joe looked up excitedly. "You need to get the scoop on the AP scandal. Find out what those AP people know." "You got it boss Squeaky Throat."

"Why can't he just ask Malia about AP. She is taking an Adavanced Placement language class. Of well. College Board here comes The Gnat!"

 

 

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